The Day After Tomorrow
Director: Roland Emmerich
Year: 2004
TRT: 2:03

Some people call this, what, a Disaster/Thriller? Suspense/Drama? I call it Horrific/Crap. This platonic, Hollywood-ending big-budget Emmerich shit must STOP. NOW! Book-ended in a "global" environmental message, this thing is a "what if?" scenario that beguiles us all into thinking someone outside of the CG department had anything to do with the actual script. Holy Fuck is this shitballer lame. The only reason I'm giving it any further review is because of the creative minds behind it, which is the 3-D animators who did their job, very well, actually; but considering the script, I must wonder why they took on the project in the first place. Oh yeah, great gobs of ca$h. Especially shameful is Jake Donnie Darko Gyllenhall for even considering starring in this...okay, my thesaurus is coming up short in expletive-laden adjectives once again, so I will rely on the good ole' standby of crapfest.

The world is experiencing an extremely sudden change in weather patterns. Maverick ecologist John (sorry, couldn't waste the time to look up the actual character name) Generic, played by Dennis Quaid, who risks everything to keep a promise made to his neglected son in the midst of a brief ice age. Do yourself a favor and feel reminiscent listening to "Cat in the Cradle" or whatever the fuck it is while watching the latest "Mind's Eye" DVD, it will be just as effective with cool visuals that have little to do with anything that's happening.

Unfortunately there's still plenty of genres for this hack Emmerich to still take on. Do yourself another favor, skip it in the theater, and steal a pirated version of the DVD from your local streetcorner pirate. Preferably while it's still in theaters, so the studio makes enough to buy, like, 3 hamburgers. Fuck the studios if they keep sinking money into these rotted cheese-like scenarios. I mean, come ON! He works in the President of the United States (once again) AND a sick, blind boy around a floundering romance? Well, there's some variety for you. And some badly done, poorly integrated wolves, to boot.

Great Scene: Some incredibly done weather sequences, many of which you see in the trailer. So watch the trailer and let your imagination run wild, it's better than sittin through this Catastrophic/Mind-number.

DVD Notes: I decided to write the review before reviewing the extras on the disc, before promptly passing out. Upon awaking, I found my DVD player had already returned the movie for me to avoid it's foul taste in its slot. Thanks! Besides, it's on cable now, just watch it there. But only if you're really drunk, then you can make fun of how lame it is and enjoy it more.