poster

Gunslingers
Director: Brian Skiba
Year: 2025
TRT: 1:44

Reviewed: 5/26/2026
VIDEO REVIEW

The cliché title did not deter me, because not only does it star Nicolas Fkn Cage, it’s got a good role by Stephen Dorff, in a Western! So, yeah! But the dozen or so production company logos before the start kinda got me a little worried. But, well, you know, Nic?….yeah.

Back in New York 1903, when the cities were upncomin but there’s still the last of the cowboys around trying to make a few final scores. Unfortunately for Thomas (Dorff), he ends up shootin somebody a little too important, his brother gets blasted, and he gots to go on the lam. Four years later, in the backwoods of Kentucky, he finds his way to a town he might be able to hang in. For a bit, at least. Then it gets rather ridiculous. Seriously portrayed, but damn. If I didn’t know any better, I would say A.I. wrote this script on the basis of a Western. And not even a good Western. No shit.

I guess they were lookin to sell this to the Netflix crowd or something, but damn. I’m not going to say they got almost everything wrong with what makes a good movie, because some of the production is ok. But it’s just the ultimate stock cliché videogameplot kind of progression, even down to the multitude of Badguys getting blasted but all the Goodguys getting mere fleshwounds. Well, a lot of them at least. But despite my appreciation of NicFknCage, I will not defend him here. There’s an odd hoarsey Louisiana James Brown affectation he takes on that is just TOO beyond what is needed here. Yes. I said it. Cage overacted this film. Shame. Even a stopped clock it right 2.35 times out of a hundred. Or something like that, screw you, maths!


CGI gore: I guess there’s an okay practical gunshot wound or two here, but a lot of CGI splatters from the firepower of those 7.5 Jigawatt pistols is amazing! People fly back like being hit by a freakin cannonball!

Fuckery Notes: It’s too clean, too cliché, too CGI’d. It’s basically a bunch of people including Sylvester Stallone’s out-of-place daughter playing cowboy. Poorly.


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