Okay, I’m breaking the normal DMR format here. Technically this movie did its job, as awful as it is, in evoking some emotions. In that, I pity the state of horror where this is the offering. To be honest, I didn’t really want to watch this movie in the first place. Nothing about it interested me enough to see it, or even its trailer. Sure, there were sensational things said about it, horrible things, Malort-level kinds of things, but how bad could it really be? So I guess my viewing of it was inevitable. I made it to 55:35 in. That was my limit. We all have limits. Accept them, and move on.
But it does make me wonder why a movie like this was made in the first place. So this review is more of a look into why I had such a visceral reaction to it, especially in comparison to other horror and horrific movies I’ve watched over the years.
Is this technically a human centipede? I couldn’t make it through a dog centipede, much less a human one. At first disturbing. Then full-out depraved. Unfortunately, this is done surprisingly well. The actors are believable. The effects are effective and cinematography quite competent. This isn’t a b-grade schlock fest. The reality it brings to the story really makes it that much more disturbing.
I truly question the motives behind making this kind of movie, to what purpose? Frightening? Gross-out? Degrading? I see no redemption arc here. The fact that there’s not one but two sequels to this does not bode well on us as a species. I skipped through the rest of the movie quickly to confirm my suspicions. No matter how it ends, it doesn’t end well for the centipede. There is no way it can at that point.
In questioning my reflexive reaction to this film, where at one point in the past I may have watched it through to the end, I wonder what other factors may be involve. Is it an age thing? Horror movies induce an artificial shot of adrenaline. Well, the adrenaline is real, but through artificial means, the primal survivor instinct in the brain that triggers Fight or Flight mechanisms or something like that. Same artificial injection can be said from roller coasters, certain illicit drugs that rhyme with Mocaine, and Adventurous Grumpy Dumpings at skeezy gas stations after sunset. All inject us with next-level adrenaline. But I guess as you get older, you just don’t need to rely on the fake shit as much, reality provides plenty enough kicks to the groin as it is.
But this one.
Not quite an hour in to this movie, I found myself asking myself, what is the redeeming quality that makes me want to watch more of this? I think it was right around Eli Roth’s torture porn extravaganza Hostel in 2005 that turned me off the genre, even with the Takashi Miike cameo. This one is pure torture porn, dead to me now like romantic comedies starring Ben Stiller. There is No Joy had from those.
Going back to the famous quote by H.P. Lovecraft from his short non-fictional writings in “Supernatural Horror in Literature,”
“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.”
This would explain why the horror genre is one of the most ubiquitous and varied in subgenres out there. Monster, Natural, Supernatural, Slasher, Yogurt, Cosmic, Sexy, Italian Giallo, Gothic, et cetera
Taking a look more into the “modern” horror films as studios gave way to more independent endeavors, so I kinda mark that around Romero’s 1968 film Night of the Living Dead. Before that it was mostly Universal Monster kinds of stories and the other side of the spectrum with the Schlock of Ed Wood kinds of endeavors so Cheesy Bad it’s Funny or like Hershel Gordon Lewis’s buckets of blood-filled Two Thousand Maniacs! Not necessarily horrific, I would say. Alfred Hitchcock and Rod Serling psychological head-screws did help pave the way though for a little extra psychological depth and social commentary, depending on the genre.
But with movies like Tobe Hooper’s The Texas Chain Saw Massacre in 1974, John Carpenter’s Halloween a few years later and the relatively new Slasher genre those helped spawn, horror flicks definitely started off in a new darker direction.
Then there’s the slightly more juvenile branch of movies like the Friday the 13th flicks that have “The 3 Bs” : Beast, Blood, & Bewbs. Usually a moral code worked in so the sexy people get done in, the asshole always gets it. But there’s always the tenacious survivor(s). But it’s only after pure demoralization. Few if any redeeming qualities, and honestly the movies are such uninspired photocopies of each other it’s hard to justify watching for the few cheap thrills it may provide. Movies for bored horny teenagers. Helluva market to cater to, even If I was once, too, one of those very same bored horny teenagers.
But what about films like Requiem for a Dream? It’s Drama, but Brutally Horrific nonetheless. Well done themes, as dark as they are. But one-and-done kind of film, how much of a need to revisit that story? The ugliness of The Last House on the Left. The Silence of the Lambs, the Austrian Funny Games and its odd American remake directed by the same guy. That slow intentional evil committed by humans on other humans. An illustration of the Survival mechanism ramped up to 11. But at what cost? Does it inspire, or demean, humiliate and crush?
Horror like everything else can be Subjective, like only some people are actually afraid of clowns while others find them either funny, annoying, or slightly better than Mimes. Universal fear, that goes down to the primal core, the hardwiring in our brains that can’t be changed, conditioned through millennia of human evolution kinda shit. Things that make you unintentionally start if encountered Unexpectedly; thunder, snakes, midgets. Sure you might not have a particular fear of one of these things after logically addressing them, but there are things wedged deep within the psyche that causes us to recoil, no matter who you are or where you’re from.
So it is interesting to see how some of those subjective horrors change with society, new different subjects. Usually trying to take it one step further to keep some semblance of originality, in gore or jump scares or psychological fuckeries or however they want to make the hook of the film. All for the sake of “entertainment.” I won’t get into what new horrors await, intentional or otherwise, with the rise of using artificial intelligence in writing scripts. Robots making movies for humans. That’s a horror movie in itself. Ideally, the complete lack of empathy will kill the system, and independent Human storytellers will rise again. I think we are already seeing this in part from the dreck of “original movies” put out from Netflix over the last decade or so. They may not be A.I. but damn they’re close; bland and dead inside almost as if to condition the audience for the next wave of even shittier, uninspired claptrap.
I can still appreciate a creepy story. The better it’s done, the more leeway for suspension of disbelief and go with the flow. To cheer on the protagonist, the Hero’s Journey, to overcome crazy odds against insane evil makes it that much more satisfying. Scream did an interesting take on how to simplify the rules of horror. Cabin in the Woods also did a fun logical examination on this concept, and unfortunately the fatalistic ending kind of ruins it unless you’re like a gothy angsty teenager with limited life experience, lashing out just for the sake of it. But it is an interesting exploration of the concepts and paradigms, all wrapped up in it own horror film while having fun with the Joseph Campbell archetypes.
I like my horror flicks. Sometimes they don’t end well, the hero doesn’t always win. Let’s compare to
Darabont’s adaptation of The Mist. It shows some horrible people acting horribly during a horrible situation. Some vicious monsters and kills. A quite frankly pretty brutal ending. What is the redeeming value of that versus this? The will to live? Present in both. I know the characters aren’t as sympathetic here with the setup but still, nobody deserves this kind of fate. Maybe that this is intentional behavior versus a supernatural one like in The Mist or even in one of the best horror movies ever made, John Carpenter’s The Thing. That’s a fuckin dark movie too, a lot of gore and fucked up shit, not exactly the happiest of endings. What makes that (arguably) one of the best horror films of all time, and this...what it is?
Coming back to this here Human Centipede, this is a mental filmotic sledgehammer. The Dude does NOT abide. This is not a film, it’s a tool to crush the human spirit. And...there’s sequels.
So given that I didn’t actually finish watching this, I cannot rate it. My review of the live-action abomination known as CATS made me question my integrities, so I won’t do that again. Maybe. Here, even if the film was done competently, the subject matter outweighs the quality, time or talent put into it. It’s a horrible form of conditioning, where evil plays out unchecked and nobody wins.
Ultimately, it’s an odd thing what our individual brains like and dislike, what music we prefer to listen to or clothes we decide to wear. And the choice of preferred entertainment … Entertainment. Are there people that would watch 2 hours of a dude kicking puppies? Probably a few, unfortunately. You might want to keep them separated from the rest of society though. I think you may want to say the same for those that watched all 3 of these films. It...ain’t right.
It’s like finding a half-eaten sammich of questionable ingredients left out on a table outside a gas station, with flies buzzing around it. Sure it’s food, and has a fancy toothpick through it with some color-krinkle stuff on the end of it, but do you really want to eat it? What is actually appealing about it to you? Are you really THAT hungry? Is it the ONLY thing to eat? Or...do you just walk away. Chances are very good you’ll find something better, and better for you, if you just take a moment or two to...reconsider your options.
The world is sad enough with so many Steven Seagal Action Documentaries out there, do we really need to subject ourselves to this kind of torture, too?
Hey, Watch what you want, but damn. If you Clockwork Orange’d my ass, I’d rather watch paint dry than sit through this or its sequels. So yeah, I apologize to all you’s who wanted the complete lowdown on The Human Centipede, for kinda goin off on a tangent here. Drop a comment if you genuinely wanted to (or have) seen this film, what inspired you to? Or how you think the horror genre can be a net benefit? It’s all subjective so there’s no wrong answers. Unless of course if it involves listening to KISS. Just...almost the worst. compared to this.
