Basically “Escape from New York, but...in SPACE!” Yeah, worst tagline ever. For, well, not the worst movie ever. But damn, it gets down there into the dregs a bit. Quite a bit. “Presented by” Luc Besson. What the fuck does that even mean? He pay for craft services? Everyone knows good food makes the world go round. This world? Uuuuhhhh… damn. Should just served up some taquitos, give em a mini-DV camera and saved a shitload of cash.
I imagine the pitch for it going a bit like this: “Hey, what if we made Snake Plissken a Chatty Cathy, but he can still only say witty one-liners?” “Perfect!” That. Is. This. Movie. In Space. Plus a bad actress from the TV Show LOST. In Space. Damn. Now I have to watch that shitty movie of Lost in Space again, with Gary Oldman and Joey from Friends. But No. Not in this decade, this has fulfilled my dubious sci-fi big budget action movies quota. At least for now. But fear not, I suspect that sweet siren’s call will have me back watching another one soon enough. Hopefully at least starring Nicolas Fkn Cage, so it will at least be worth watching for that. This? Just another one of those 2079 Space Prison movies. So many close calls and space shootins and ship flyins and the President’s daughter rescues gone awry, and the dastardly villains that are behind it all. Yeah, pretty boilerplate action movie. In Space. Guess it’s one of those to throw on at the end of the night where you wake up the next morning and try your hardest to remember what you watched last night and not a single thing comes to mind.
