No Country For Old Men
Director: Joel & Ethan Coen
Year: 2007
TRT: 2:02

Reviewed: 8/26/08

How the fuck do you write a review for this film? There's been a couple of false starts, redacted praises, and deleted run-on sentences that made absolutely no sense while hyping the movie in a crazy drunken fashion, similar to this fucking atrocity to the human language, but in a totally different way. Where was I?

There's a couple of different things going on here, told in a parallel but extremely straightforward manner. Hunter. Prey. Gore. Psychopath. Drugs. Cash. Cats. Not necessarily in that order. Kinda close, though. I just don't want to ruin the surprise for you. Not surprise, really, but true enjoyment of watching the tale unfold. Feral Cats and Vicious Dogs. Totally should have been the title to this film.

Straight up, this was one of the rare occasions I went back to a theater to see it again. Of course it didn't help I was able to drink whiskey & cola during the first viewing. But no matter who you are, first-time viewing is pretty much gonna leave you like being offered a free Guinness if you drink it blindfolded. Yer like, things are going good, I'm pretty much diggin' this, then POW! Drinking a glass of cold urine. WTF is that? The context is a bit removed, to say the least, both in that awful analogy and the final scene of the film. But it makes total sense. At least as far as the movie is concerned. And it makes you think about what transpired, and truly try to figure out what the fuck Ed Tom (one person) is talking about. And then it's like those 3D optical poster thingies, where suddenly you see the full picture, poking you right in the eye. And yer like, Daaamn, that's good! Or it's like a 3D tire, and yer like, that's it?

As a drunkenly inspired rule, I try to keep the body of these reviews to three paragraphs. But there's perfect casting, incredible cinematography, and a great story here from Cormac McCarthy's book which, aside from some extra excised ruminations by the storyteller Po-Lease Ed Tom, I must say this is one of the better translations from book to film I've witnessed. Not only have the Coens taken a great story like their earlier masterpiece Fargo, but stripped it down to the bare bones, where even the score is almost completely absent, to present an even more powerful piece of storytelling.

Great Scene: Quite possibly one of the best scenes ever filmed. Fuck hyperbole, the scene between Chigurh and the gas station owner is so fucking loaded, is so fucking simple, and so. fucking. brilliant. Oh yeah, then there's the rest of the movie. There was an odd shot with a cabbie. That totally sucked. But the rest? Brilliant. And I'm joking about the scene with the cabbie. Even that one was at least okay, if not well lit.

Media Notes: Another departure here, and I guess I'll need to make a more notable distinction by branding it with a generic 'media notes' label as the viewing options have grown by a factor of close to a 6-pack. This one, for this review, was done via HD VOD. And for as well as DOP Deakins made the film look, this cable-fed VOD (that's Video On Demand for the clueless) could suck my balls. A rarity in presentation, as I usually don't have an issue with the VOD content, but fuckin' A, get some quality control here people. While the picture quality itself was good, random horizontal lines shot across the video on a fairly regular basis. And there weren't even any thunderstorms happening in the area. Fuck Comcast. Fuck them up their stupid asses. Luckily I don't pay for the shit. At least, not much.