This truly is MUTHAHFUCKIN SNAKES on a MUTHAHFUCKIN PLANE! That description, however, is woefully insubstantial for the dramatics going on here. Because there are people on that plane, too. Humans. So, it’s personal. I’m a human. You’re a human (well, besides the bots out there that think they’re human, but that’s a different story. Moving on...). This is a story about humans. And MUTHFUCKING SNAKES! ON A MUTHAHFUCKIN. PLANE. IN THE AIR. FLYING!
So for plot, did I mention we have a plane here. And there’s also snakes, who happen to also be on it. Plus, well, the humans, as mentioned above.. And a dog. And a cat. The cat, while present, doesn’t play a significant role. The dog? It does kinda play a significant role. Not the most significant, though. The rest of the story unfolds like the universe.
Straight up, Gotta say, better than I thought this was gonna be. Story overall is of course a bit rubbish, but still a lot better than a Sci-Fi original, with better effects than I kinda saw in trailers way back when this first came out. Sure, some of the CGI is a little suspect but overall actually pretty well done and integrated. And the logic of it? Totally explained. Totally. And It’s not just the elevating power of Samuel Lupacious Jackson here, the cheese secondary characters are mostly ok as well. Even the asshat Sportsguy from Anchorman does a decent job here. I’ve watched a lot of shitty B and C-level movies in my day. I draw the line there though at D-level, because they’re usually shot on VHS and I have no time for that. This one? Surprising fun kind of old-school disaster movie, but in new trappings. All the stereotypical characters of course, but presented efficiently and then...BITE BITE BITE.
Given this, it’s now left to the inevitable sequels to elevate this property to hopefully an even better level. There’s already Snakes on a Train, because, obviously. So what’s next? Snakes Eating Plantains? Boooring. Snakes in a Crane. Snakes with Migraines. Snakes be Insane. Snakes Take On Spain. Snakes with a Stain. Snakes on a Vane. Snakes on Cocaine. Snakes who Abstain. Snakes on a Biplane (obviously a prequel). Snakes Eat Chow Mein. Snakes vs Great Dane. Snakes Turn Humane. Snakes Eat Whole Grain. It really is Limitless here. My Favorite? Snakes on Champagne. Fitting. And quite bitey.
