Movie Review Archives

Archives section of previously previewed films. Certain bad movies have earned the "Shitheap" status, which are listed at the bottom (where they belong, in Shame). THE DMR indicates Drunken Movie Review Video (DMRV).


ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZCRAP
MOVIE DIRECTOR Story Look
12 Monkeys Terry Gilliam 4 ½ 5
28 Days Later Danny Boyle 5 5
The 7th Voyage of Sinbad Nathan Juran 1 3 ½
A
About Schmidt Alexander Payne 4 4 ½
Adaptation Spike Jonze 5 5
Alice Jan Svankmajer 4 4
Altered States Ken Russell 4 ½ 4 ½
Amelie Jean-Pierre Jeunet 4 ½ 6
Animal House John Landis 6 6
Animatrix various 1 ½ 4
Apocalypse Now Francis Ford Coppola 6 6
B
Bad Taste Peter Jackson 2 2
The Bakerton Group The Guys from Clutch 11 11
Barton Fink Joel Coen 3 5
Batman Tim Burton 4 ½ 4 ½
Beau is Afraid Ari Aster 3 ½ 5 ½
 A Better Tomorrow John Woo 3 ½ 4
Beyond Re-Animator Brian Yuzna 3 3 ½
The Big Lebowski Joel Coen 5 6
Big Trouble Barry Sonnenfeld 3 ½ 4
Big Trouble in Little China John Carpenter 4 4
The Bird With the Crystal Plummage Dario Argento 3 3 ½
Black Hawk Down Ridley Scott 4 6
Blade Runner Ridley Scott 6 6
Blazing Saddles Mel Brooks 5 4 ½
Blow Out Brian De Palma 3 ½ 4
Blue Velvet David Lynch 4 ½ 4
The Bourne Identity Doug Liman 3 ½ 4
Brain Dead Adam Simon 3 ½ 3 ½
Brazil Terry Gilliam 5 ½ 5 ½
Bride of Re-Animator Brian Yuzna 2 2 ½
Brotherhood of the Wolf Cristophe Gans 4 ½ 6
Bubba Ho-Tep Don Coscarelli 5 4
C
Cannibal! The Musical Trey Parker 3 ½ 3 ½
Casablanca Michael Curtiz 4 ½ 4
Cat 'O' Nine Tails Dario Argento 3 4 ½
Catch Me If You Can Steven Spielberg 5 5 ½
Chicago Rob Marshall 2 ½ 4 ½
Chicken Run Peter Lord & Nick Park 4 ½ 5 ½
Un Chien Andalou Luis Buñuel ? 4
Chinatown Roman Polanski 5 5 ½
City of Lost Children, The Jean-Pierre Jeunet 6 6
Clerks Kevin Smith 5 3
A Clockwork Orange Stanley Kubrick 5 ½ 6
Code 46 Michael Winterbottom 3 ½ 5
The Collected Shorts of Jan Svankmajer: Volume One Jan Svankmajer 3 ½ 5
The Collected Shorts of Jan Svankmajer: Volume Two Jan Svankmajer 4 5
La Cravate Alejandro Jodorowsky 1 2
Cronos Guillermo del Toro 3 ½ 4 ½
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon Ang Lee 6 6
D
Dagon Stuart Gordon 4 ½ 4 ½
Darkness Falls Jonathon Liebesman 3 ½ 4
Dawn of the Dead (1978) George Romero 4 3 ½
Dawn of the Dead (2004) Zack Snyder 3 4 ½
Day of the Dead George Romero 2 3 ½
Dazed and Confused Richard Linklater 5 5
Dead Alive Peter Jackson 4 ½ 4 ½
Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid Carl Reiner 3 ½ 3
Dead Snow Tommy Wirkola 2 ½ 4
Demonlover Olivier Assayas 1 2 ½
The Descent Neil Marshall 4 5
Desperado Robert Rodriguez 4 5
Dirty Duck Charles Swenson 1 2
Dirty Harry Don Siegel 4 ½ 3 ½
 Dr. Strangelove Stanley Kubrick 5 ½ 5
Dogma Kevin Smith 4 ½ 4 ½
Dog Soldiers Neil Marshall 4 ½ 4 ½
Donnie Darko Richard Kelly 6 6
Don't Torture a Duckling Lucio Fulci 3 ½ 4 ½
Doomsday Neil Marshall 2 4 ½
Drugstore Cowboy Gus Van Sant 5 5
 Drunken Master Yuen Woo-ping 3 ½ 4
E
The Endless Justin Benson & Aaron Moorehead 4 ½ 5
 Enter the Dragon Robert Clouse 3 ½ 4 ½
Eraserhead David Lynch 1 ½ 4 ½
Escape From New York John Carpenter 4 4
Even Dwarfs Started Small Werner Herzog ? 4
Evil Dead 2 Sam Raimi 6 6
The Exorcist William Friedkin 4 5
The Experiment Oliver Hirschbiegel 4 4 ½
F
 Face/Off John Woo 1 4
Fallen Gregory Hoblit 3 ½ 3 ½
Fando y Lis Alejandro Jodorowsky 3 3 ½
Fargo Joel Coen 6 6
 Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Terry Gilliam 5 ½ 6
The Fearless Vampire Killers Roman Polanski 4 4
La Femme Nakita Luc Besson 5 6
The Fifth Element Luc Besson 3 ½ 4 ½
Fight Club David Fincher 5 ½ 6
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within Some Japanese Guys 3 ½ 5 ½
The Fisher King Terry Gilliam 5 ½ 5 ½
Fitzcarraldo Werner Herzog 3 ½ 4
 Five Deadly Venoms Chang Cheh 3 ½ 4
 Frankenstein James Whale 2 ½ 2 ½
Frantic Roman Polanski 4 ½ 4
The Frighteners Peter Jackson 4 ½ 4 ½
From Dusk Til Dawn Robert Rodriguez 5 ½ 5 ½
G
The Game David Fincher 4 4 ½
Garden State Zach Braff 4 4
Ghost Ship Steve Beck 1 ½ 4
Ghostbusters Ivan Reitman 5 ½ 4 ½
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo Niels Arden Oplev 4 5
 The Good, the Bad, the Weird Kim Jee-woon 3 ½ 5
Gozu Takashi Miike 3 ½ 3 ½
H
Hamburger Hill John Irvin 4 4
Happy, Texas Mark Illsey 2 ½ 2 ½
 Hard Bastard Godfrey Ho 2 ½ 2 ½
 Hard Boiled John Woo 4 ½ 5
Hellboy Guillermo Del Toro 4 5
 High Noon Fred Zinnemann 4 ½ 5
Hitch-Hike Pasquale Festa Campanile 4 4
Hollywood Knights Floyd Mutrux 3 ½ 2 ½
The Holy Mountain Alejandro Jodorowsky 4 6
Hot Fuzz Edgar Wright 5 5
House By the Cemetery Lucio Fulci 4 6
How to Get Ahead in Advertising Bruce Robinson 3 4 ½
Hudsucker Proxy Joel Coen 4 5 ½
I
Ichi the Killer Takashi Miike 3 ½ 5
 Idiocracy Mike Judge 7 4
If Chins Could Kill Bruce Campbell * *
The Illusionist Neil Burger 2 ½ 4
Insomnia Christopher Nolan 2 ½ 4
J
Jacob's Ladder Adrian Lynn 5 5 ½
Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back Kevin Smith 4 4 ½
K
 The Kentucky Fried Movie John Landis 3 ½ 3
 The Killer John Woo 3 ½ 4 ½
King of New York Abel Ferrara 4 5
King Kong (1933) Merian C. Cooper 4 4 ½
King of the Ants Stuart Gordon 3 ½ 4
Kung Fu Hustle Stephen Chow 4 ½ 5
L
The Lair of the White Worm Ken Russell 2 ½ 2 ½
Last House on the Left Wes Craven 3 ½ 2 ½
The Last Man On Earth Ubaldo Ragona, Sidney Salkow 2 2 ½
Last Tango in Paris Bernardo Bertolucci 3 ½ 4
The Last Temptation of Christ Martin Scorsese 4 ½ 5 ½
 The Legend of Drunken Master Lau Kar-leung 3 ½ 4
Let the Right One In Tomas Alfredson 5 4
Like Water For Chocolate Alfonso Arau 3 3
Little Otik Jan Svankmajer 3 ½ 4
A Lizard in a Woman's Skin Lucio Fulci 2 ½ 4
Lord of Illusions Clive Barker 2 ½ 4
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Peter Jackson 5 ½ 6
Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels Guy Ritchie 6 5
Lost In La Mancha Keith Fulton & Louis Pepe 4 3 ½
Lucky Steve Cuden 4 2 ½
Lunacy Jan Svankmajer 3 ½ 4 ½
M
 Mad Max George Miller 2 ½ 3 ½
Magic Richard Attenborough 3 3 ½
The Magic Christian Joseph McGrath 3 ½ 2 ½
Mallrats Kevin Smith 3 ½ 3
 Mandy Panos Cosmatos 2 4
El Mariachi Robert Rodriguez 4 2 ½
 Marihuana Dwain Esper 1 1
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World Peter Weir 3 ½ 5
The Matrix The Wachowski Brothers 5 ½ 6
The Matrix Reloaded The Wachowski Brothers 4 5 ½
May Lucky McGee 3 5
Meet The Feebles Peter Jackson 4 3
Menno's Mind Jon Kroll 1 2
Metropolis (1926) Fritz Lang 2 ½ 2 ½
Miller's Crossing Joel & Ethan Coen 3 ½ 4 ½
N
Near Dark Kathryn Bigelow 3 ½ 4 ½
Night of the Living Dead George Romero 4 3
Night Watch Timur Bekmambetov 4 4 ½
The Nightmare Before Christmas Henry Selick 4 ½ 6
A Nightmare on Elm Street Wes Craven 4 ½ 4 ½
No Country for Old Men Joel & Ethan Coen 6 6
O
O Brother, Where Art Thou? Joel Coen 5 ½ 6
Oldboy Park Chanwook 4 ½ 6
Office Space Mike Judge 5 3 ½
One Hour Photo Mark Romanek 5 ½ 5 ½
On The Waterfront Elia Kazan 5 ½ 4 ½
P
Panic Room David Fincher 4 ½ 5 ½
Paycheck John Woo 3 ½ 4
π (Pi) Darren Aronofsky 5 4
Planet of the Apes Franklin J. Schaffner 3 ½ 3 ½
Platoon Oliver Stone 5 5
The Prestige Christopher Nolan 3 ½ 4 ½
The Prophecy Gregory Widen 3 ½ 4 ½
Q
R
Raising Arizona The Coen Brothers 6 6
Ravenous Antonia Bird 4 ½ 5 ½
Raw Meat Gary Sherman 2 3
Re-Animator Stuart Gordon 4 4
Repo Man Alex Cox 4 ½ 4 ½
Resident Evil Paul W.S. Anderson 3 ½ 4
The Ring Gore Verbinski 4 6
River's Edge Tim Hunter 4 ½ 4
Road To Perdition Sam Mendes 3 ½ 5
The Road Warrior George Miller 4 5 ½
Robocop Paul Verhoeven 5 4 ½
Run Lola Run Tom Tykwer 4 4
S
Safe Men John Hamburg 5 ½ 4 ½
Salem's Lot Tobe Hooper 3 ½ 4
Saving Private Ryan Steven Spielberg 6 6
A Scanner Darkly Richard Linklater 4 ½ 5
Scanners David Cronenberg 3 ½ 3
Scotland, PA Billy Morrissette 4 4
SE7EN David Fincher 6 6
The Shining Stanley Kubrick 5 6
 Snowpiercer Bong Joon-ho 3 ½ 4
Sorcerer William Friedkin 4 ½ 4 ½
 Southland Tales Richard Kelly 3 ½ 4 ½
Spawn Mark A.Z. Dippé 3 4 ½
Spider David Cronenberg 4 ½ 5 ½
Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones George Lucas 3 4 ½
Strange Brew Rick Moranis & Dave Thomas 6 6
 Strangers on a Train Alfred Hitchcock 3 ½ 4
A Streetcar Named Desire Elia Kazan 4 4
Super Mario Bros. 4 Different People(!) 1 1
Super Troopers Jay Chandrasekhar 4 4
Super Troopers 2 Jay Chandrasekhar 4 ½ 4 ½
T
Terribly Happy Henrik Ruben Genz 4 ½ 5
 The Thing (1982) John Carpenter 6 6
 The Thing From Another World! James Whale 2 2
Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead Gary Fleder 2 ½ 3
Three Kings David O. Russell 5 5 ½
THX 1138: Director's Cut George Lucas 3 4 ½
Time Bandits Terry Gilliam 4 ½ 5 ½
To Live and Die in LA William Friedkin 4 4 ½
Tomb Raider Simon West 1 ½ 3
El Topo Alejandro Jodorowsky 3 ½ 5
Total Recall Paul Verhoeven 5 5
A Town Called Panic Stephane Aubier & Vincent Patar 4 4
Tron Steven Lisberger 4 5
 True Romance Tony Scott 5 5
Two-Lane Blacktop Monte Hellman 3 2 ½
U
Unbreakable M. Night Shyamalan 5 ½ 6
Uzumakia (aka Spiral) Akiro Higuchi 2 ½ 4 ½
V
Versus Ryuhei Kitamura 2 ½ 4
A Very Long Engagement Jean-Pierre Jeunet 4 ½ 6
Videodrome David Cronenberg 4 ½ 4
W
Wall Street Oliver Stone 4 ½ 4
Wallace & Gromit: The Incredible Adventures of Nick Park 6 6
What We Do in the Shadows Jemaine Clement, Taika Waititi 5 5
The Wild One Laszlo Benedek 4 3 ½
The Wizard of Gore Herschell Gordon Lewis 2 2
Wizards Ralph Bakshi 2 3 ½
X
X-Men Bryan Singer 5 5 ½
Y
 Young Frankenstein Mel Brooks 6 6
Z
Zombi Holocaust Marino Girolami 1 2
Zombie Lucio Fulci 3 ½ 4 ½

Shitheap

Ah, yes, the movies that just plain suck, for whatever reason. Movies here deserve the title of one giant whiffy pile of crap. View with extreme caution...


MOVIE DIRECTOR Story Look
Carnival of Souls (1998) Adam Grossman 0 2
Crypt of the Living Dead Ray Danton & Julio Salvador 0 1
The Day After Tomorrow Roland Emmerich 0 3 ½
Men In Black II Barry Sonnenfeld 0 2 ½
Sleeper Woody Allen 0 0
The Whole Nine Yards Jonathan Lynn 0 1
Zoolander Ben Stiller 0 3

THE DMR